Let's be honest, and let's get into the talk about all those awkward phrases that we have all said once upon a time—or those to which we have been the happy recipient. Being a gay man who has been around that relationship block more times than I can count, I have a whole arsenal of things NOT to say.

1. "You're imagining things."

Oh boy, where does one even start with this? It's really the absolutely worst thing that anybody could say; it's when someone actually tells you that your reality isn't real or that they are gaslighting you. This is very dismissive and really goes to make your partner doubt themselves.

What it sounds like: "Your feelings aren't valid."

Say instead: "I didn't look at it that way, but I'd like to see things from your point of view."

2. "I don't see what the problem is."

This is just the classic brush-off where you negate everything and offer no help at all. It's almost like you're being downright determined not to even attempt to see it through your partner's eyes.

What it sounds like: "Your problems don't matter to me."

Say instead: "Help me understand why this is bothering you. I want to get it."

3. "Why are you sabotaging a nice day?"

Apparently, it would seem that relationships require bottling up your emotions just to wear that mask of eternal joy. Newsflash: real relationships go through ebbs and flows, and pretending otherwise is not healthy.

What it sounds like: "Your feelings are inconvenient."

Say instead: "I appreciate you sharing this with me - even though I know it's hard to hear."

4. "That sounds like a you problem."

Oh, the sympathy! Can you feel it? Neither can I. What a fine manner of informing your partner that, actually, you really do not give a damn about their problems.

What it sounds like: "Your problems are not my problems."

Say instead: "That sounds tough. How can I best support you in this regard?"

5. "You're too sensitive."

Oh, sure—because emotions are such a character defect. These lines completely dismiss your partner's feelings and make them some kind of over-reactive person.

What it sounds like: "Your feelings are an inconvenience to me."

Say instead: "I didn't realize that bothered you so much. Let's talk about this."

6. "Your feelings aren't my problem."

And actually, that is technically true. But here's the thing: in a relationship, we care about each other's feelings. This line says you're not interested in emotional support.

What it sounds like: "I don't give a damn about your emotional welfare."

Say instead: "I care how you feel, and I'm right here with you. Let's work through this together."

7. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."

Who died and made you the judge of what does or does not qualify as a big deal? That's dismissive to their partner's concerns, and may build some real resentment.

What it sounds like: "Your feelings don't count."

Say instead: "I didn't realize this was so crucial to you. Help me understand why."

8. "I'm sorry if you were offended."

Ah, the non-apology apology—really an acknowledgment of another person's upset and not a taking of responsibility for one's actions.

What it sounds like: "I'm sorry you're so unreasonable."

Say instead: "I am so very sorry for how my behavior affected you."

9. "I was only teasing. Can't you take a joke?"

The classic backpedal. Not cool to hurt someone's feelings and then get defensive when your partner's not finding it funny.

What it sounds like: "Your hurt feelings are spoiling my fun."

Say instead: "My joke went completely flat. Sorry, wasn't trying to do that."

10. "Why can't you just get over it?

Your emotions do not work like an on/off button. This kind of saying makes a partner feel like there's something wrong with them for feeling normal human emotions.

What it sounds like: "Your feelings are an inconvenience to me."

Say instead: "I see this is really hard for you. How can we work through this together?"

Speak with Empathy, Not Invalidation

Relationships at times can be a right old mess—complicated and frustrating. By contrast, relationships can be marvelously beautiful, fulfilling, and well worth the struggle.

The next time you are just dying to drop one of these "zingers," take a deep breath and try a little empathy instead. Your relationship-and your partner-will thank you.